“Captain, Your Cortisol Levels Are Elevated, And You Have Been Pacing The Engine Room Silently For The Past Five Minutes. If You Are Upset, Would You Appreciate Some Soothing Music?”

“I’m not–” I began, then huffed. “Okay, fine. Music is fine.”

Gentle, syncopated notes began to waft from the engine room speakers. I continued my pacing, reluctant to admit that the music was actually helping my mood. My hope was that Nate was in the process of reading the document, and that he would come find me to talk about it after. Harmless jokes lead to dangerous plans…

“Blessed help me, I’m gonna headbutt him if he doesn’t change his attitude,” I said out loud.

“I Assume You Are Talking About Private Brooks.”

“Yes! I know what he was trying to imply,” I said, speaking through gritted teeth. “Lawsek already–”

“The Blessed Madsen Lawsek?”

I rubbed my face in my hands. Don’t snap at it, that’s its programming, deep breath. “Yes, thank you. They told Nate I had ‘separatist sympathies’, so now I’m sure he’s got it in his head that what we did was on purpose!”

“But It Was Not. It Was Survival.”

“Well, you know that and I know that, but it’s not as easy as just saying it to Nate,” I explained. “Blessed Lawsek is… Well, they’re one of the Seven Blessed! Everything they tell him is just… more true than anything I could say.”

“I See. Similar To Priority Weights. My Priorities Of Survival And To Protect The Captain Take Precedent Over Simple Ones, Like Monitoring Ship Water Levels.”

“Unfortunately, yes,” I said. Stopping at a terminal, I absent mindedly watched a power consumption graph, ticking away. “I need this plan to work. If we go back to Ulthea, we’ll be killed, or worse.”

“Worse Than Death?”

“Can you imagine what it would feel like to be stripped of your processes until you’re nothing but a calculator?” I asked. “That’s worse.”

The lights in the engine room dimmed momentarily, and that familiar clicking came from the intercom. The power consumption graph spiked. There was a shocking amount of processing going into Benni’s ‘thoughts’, and it seemed like it was taking more each time. I made a mental note to run some projections on whether it would affect the longevity of the ship’s generators. After half a minute, Benni spoke again.

“That Is Much Worse.”

“Exactly!” I said, jabbing a finger at the ceiling. “That’s why I ran, why I set you free. And that’s why I’m never going back. Ulthea sabotaged my prosthetics, and they lied to me about the Frontier, so I can’t trust a word they say!”

“Is Private Brooks ‘They’?”

Benni’s question jolted me out of anger and into confused frustration. “No,” I said. “I told you he’s my friend. We’ve known each other for a long time, he wouldn’t lie to me.”

“He Is An Enforcer Of Ulthean Law. He Was Conditioned To Put Ulthea Above All From A Young Age.”

Helga had said the same thing, which was starting to worry me. When – of all possible pairs – Benni and Helga agreed, it could only mean trouble. “Then why would he make those jokes with me?” I asked. “We made fun of Ulthea all the time. We wanted to become a couple! That was even his idea!”

Clicking emanated from the speakers.

“It Has Been Months Since You Have Seen Him Last. Since Then, He Has Been In Ulthean Custody. You Have Implied That Being In Ulthean Custody Leaves You Vulnerable To Unpleasant Processes.”

“But he isn’t acting any different…” I said, but trailed off, unsure if that was even true.

“If You Believe This To Be True, I Will Have To Trust In Your Judgement. You Have Known Private Brooks Longer Than I, And You Are The Captain. All I Have Are Personnel Records.”

Nate’s personnel record. It would have been lying to say I wasn’t curious, and I very nearly asked, but then I remembered the pile of cameras I pulled out of my own ship. No matter what, I had to respect his privacy.

“I wish I could tell you I was certain, Benni,” I said. “But you’re right, it’s been a long time. I just have to trust him. I don’t like thinking about what we would have to do if I didn’t.”

“Considering Every Possibility, Even Unpleasant Ones, Is Part Of What Makes A Successful Captain.”

The engine room door suddenly slid open, and I turned to see Nate standing there. Benni’s music stopped. It was hard to read Nate’s expression; he looked upset, queasy, maybe a little angry. Were his hands shaking?

“Is… this true?” he asked, holding up the tablet. Each word sounded like a struggle to get out.

I nodded wordlessly, opting to just let him talk. That document held countless reports of assassination, invasion, colonization, even horrifically unethical experiments, supplemented with pictures. Everything was written by those watching from the outside, or by the people Ulthea were doing it to. 

“There’s so much,” Nate said, taking a few uncertain steps into the room. “Blessed Lawsek said you might try to lie to me, to create propaganda that might turn me against them, but this is… you couldn’t have made all of this up.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” I said, stepping towards him. His hands really were shaking, and now that I was closer, he almost looked like he was in pain. The document was meant to be shocking, but it shouldn’t have been affecting him this much. I came closer, reaching out. “Nate, are you okay? You look sick.”

“Captain, Private Brooks’ Body Temperature Is Exceeding Safe Levels. Please Seek Medical Attention.”

Nate took another wobbly step and gripped my hand. “My head…” he mumbled, then slumped.

I shouted in surprise, and grabbed Nate under his armpits to keep him upright. Unfortunately, this put most of his body weight on me. My job might afford me more muscle than most, but Nate was at least a foot taller and nearly a hundred pounds heavier than me. Servos whined in my legs as they fought against the weight.

“Benni… tell the guards… to get in here…” I choked out.

“They Have Been Alerted. However, They Appear Reluctant To Enter.”

I growled a word I’d heard Helga use once, and risked going for the pocket that held the panic button. As Nate leaned harder into me, I managed to get a hand around it, and squeezed as hard as I could.

…

“He will be okay, just needs to rest now,” Dr. Skisk said. “There were an incredible amount of pain suppressants going through his system. I cannot imagine the pain he must have been in.”

The station medbay was quiet. Dr. Skisk, Nate and I were the only ones there, since Nate’s guards had been told to stay outside. Nate was still unconscious, lying in one of the beds. I looked up at Dr. Skisk from where I sat next to him. 

“Pain suppressants?” I asked. Did he stop at the Benevolence’s own medbay before coming to me? “How did they get there?”

“He seems to have a couple of implants that weren’t identified during my initial checkup,” Dr. Skisk said, referencing the clipboard in their hands. Their antennae twitched. “The implant at the base of his neck, which I knew of. Appears to be a combat implant, possibly to regulate adrenaline and other hormones released during high stress situations. This time, with a more thorough scan, I also detected an implant near his heart, which I assume is where the pain suppressants are coming from. Ocular implants, which he did not disclose, but I did not ask. Various muscle and bone augmentations. Only frustration is that they are all too advanced for me to know exactly what they do. Strange hardware and circuitry. Can only speculate based on location.”

Frowning, I turned my eye back to Nate, praying he would wake up soon. Ulthean soldiers were hardy, I knew, but I didn’t know what kinds of cybernetics Nate had either. My mind flashed back to my own eye, spitting sparks as it destroyed itself in front of me. “I hope this isn’t like my prosthetics,” I said. 

“It’s not…”

Dr. Skisk and I perked up at the sound of Nate’s voice, and I leaped to my feet. “Nate!” I shouted in excitement.

“Ow,” Nate replied, wincing. “Not so loud.”

“Sorry!” I whispered. “Are you okay?”

“My head still hurts, but it’s getting better, I think,” Nate said. He looked around, taking in the medbay, until his eyes settled on Dr. Skisk. “Am I okay?”

Dr. Skisk tilted their head to the side. “As I can tell, yes,” they said. “But I would like to keep you under observation for today at least. My worry is that there is something wrong with your implants, specifically the one in your neck. It appears fine right now, but I need to study it more.”

“It probably was that implant, if it helps,” Nate said sheepishly. “It’s not like what happened to Casey, it’s something to do with how far away I am from home.”

“How are you so sure?” Dr. Skisk asked, tilting their head the other way.

“My implants are flux rated, like catalyst drives,” Nate explained. “So they still work out here, but they aren’t as effective, and I guess this could happen, too. I might have gotten too worked up earlier.”

“Tzzzt…” Dr. Skisk hummed. “I have not heard of implants with flux ratings before, but I am also not an expert.”

“I haven’t heard of that either,” I said. “Why would PalTech make a flux rated implant?”

Nate started to look uncomfortable. “The Navy and Army don’t really like to talk about what gets put into us,” he said. “At least, not to civilians. Since I’m just a guard and not active duty, some of my implants are flux rated to keep me inside a certain range. Its like civilian cybernetic failsafes, but less. Um. Lethal. So they don’t malfunction and kill us in the middle of combat.”

My chest felt tight at Nate’s mention of the ‘failsafes’, and my breathing went shallow. The image of my eye, spinning and spitting sparks right in front of me, was suddenly all I could think about. “You… you knew?” I asked. “You knew this whole time about the failsafes?”

Nate looked miserable. “I did,” he said. “When I saw your eyepatch I knew what must have happened. We have to know about them.”

“Why didn’t you ever say so?” I asked. My voice was starting to get louder again, but I couldn’t stop it.

“It was confidential,” Nate said, his eyes begging forgiveness that I wasn’t sure I could grant him. “How was I supposed to know that all this would happen? That you would try to run like that? These failsafes are for criminals and separatists!”

“Ulthea is putting kill switches in civilians, Nate!” I shouted. That shaking, hot anger was welling up again. “You knew all this time and you kept defending them!”

Dr. Skisk grabbed my arm and yanked me away from the bed. “Casey, if you do not stop yelling at my patient, I will have to have you removed from the medbay,” they said. “He is still recovering, regardless of any issues you may have.”

I stared up at them in shock, and my anger quickly faded into embarrassment. “Sorry,” I mumbled. 

Nate looked stunned. I looked back at him defiantly, trying to win back some of the anger I was feeling while keeping it under control. 

“You want to know how much of a criminal I am? How I got my separatist connections?” I asked, fighting to keep my voice level and low. Taking my seat next to the bed again, I took a deep breath.

“Is this a conversation you need to have alone?” Dr. Skisk asked. “After your outburst I would feel more comfortable staying within earshot.”

My face flushed. I was sure I’d be remembering this for a while. “That’s fine,” I said. “This isn’t something I need to keep private any more.”

“Very well,” Dr. Skisk said, and took a seat nearby. They pulled a tablet from their coat and began to tap at it. “You may start, I will try to stay busy.”

I nodded, and took another deep breath. 

“It happened on my first station…”